we have officially lost it.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
