Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
