My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Boobs speak an international language.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
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