Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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