oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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