so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
