Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
