She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
