He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
