The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
