If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He shit in the fireplace
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
