he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
