he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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