you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
