I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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