Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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