I look better un-naked...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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