Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just blew my weed a kiss
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Randomize