I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
