I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i came on her dog
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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