I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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