i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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