I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize