if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
