My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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