First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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