So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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