3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
