It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
