i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize