He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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