i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
