To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
