Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
