Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Couch. On fire.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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