Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize