The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
