just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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