That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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