Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
