I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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