just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
