I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
