I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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