Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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