What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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