i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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