yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
