He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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