i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
