I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
