I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
