I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
