I think scott just propositioned me for sex
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
