Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
