I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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