I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
