She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
