I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
