I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm having to shit out rocks
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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