Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
