she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
