I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
