So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
