I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
