So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
