So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
