Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
