i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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