Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
