one two three fourrrrnication!
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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