im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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