My hand turned me down
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
